| frustrationnn |
[27 May 2006|10:33pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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SO, i'm repainting my room and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. Jue isn't home - she went to Vermont to chill out with college friends....Jess, well she's doing her thing.
so i'm like doing this all by myself, and i'm IMing my BF being all crazy and there's no one to vent to, and then i remembereeddd "hey you got a livejournal".
fuckin, first of all, i would have moved shit into the guest room to make it easier to paint, but we have company for a couple days, and honestly, i can't stand clouds and rainbows anymore, so i went ahead and started off with the primer. fuckinnn....UGHGHGHUGHGUHGUHG! GUH! plus i want to get rid of so much shit, but i don't want to go through it, because i'll keep whatever's there - it's just shit, crap, stuff that takes up space, i don't NEED it.
second of all, my mother wont let me have the colors i want because they're "too dark"
ummm it's fushia, lime green and yellow....?dark?? i don't get it.
third, my room is my haven...but not right now, and i really don't like being in here cuz it's such a mess, but i have no one to chill wif and i just want to get this over with. i feel like making people help me to get this done, but who? lol no one's around and whoever is around "can't come out". :-/
fuckin... i havn't smoked in god knows how long, and right now i really want to chill out, but i'mnot about to go out driving so imma just have to deal.
FUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKSHIT FFUCKINSHIT ASSHOLE FUCKIN ROOM FUCKIN FUCK YOU!
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[26 Apr 2006|09:18pm] |
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music |
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at the drive in - chanbara |
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wow, you really don't understand.
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[13 Apr 2006|10:25pm] |
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mood |
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 refreshed |
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music |
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talkin 'bout love - talkin bout trampled under foot by Zeppe |
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i honestly respect the little things that never mattered now that i'm home. instead of hearing inner-city sounds 24/7 at school...i hear peepers(those noisey frogs) and trees blowing in the wind. The air feels so fresh compared to school. I fuckin saw a moth in my room and got excited lol! I figured since kids are so messy at school that there would be tons of ants, surprisingly there are no bugs whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, lol, i HATE living with bugs, i just havn't seen them in such a long while, it's nice to stop and look at the little critters. my yard in the spring is so fucking beautiful. when i returned home earlier today, i steped out my backdoor and just breathed. the air was slightly kissed with flowers and grass. fuckin...i miss nature while i'm at school. ok ok, there are trees and some grass at school.....but it's not the same- i have fucking WOODS in my backyard.. there's a stonewall and a "mountain". theres a barn and a patio and shitloads of flowers....you get my point. itg's really starting to hit me that i gotta do as well as i can while i'm at school, so that i can afford a home like the one i currently live in. i DO NOT want to be suck in a small room on the 8th floor having my one window next to roads that carry commercial trucks(fucking FUMES). i'm honestly NOT exadgerating when i say that i hear sirens from fire trucks/police cars going off about 20 times a day. It's gotten so mundane that i dismiss the roaring as background noise. lol, when a siren goes off at home, everyone kinda turns their head to see what's going on. OMG!!!! i saw a turtle today!!! it was a HUGE snapping turtle, hehehe such a cute littleBIG thing just plopin along. hehe. it tried to climb over a huge hill with rocks, but my brother picked it up and carried it to a nearby pond. ahh- it's little things like that that i miss when i'm away at school.
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[11 Apr 2006|11:01pm] |
I just don't understand what makes him turn into such a douche bag.
He makes me never want to speak to him again.
maybe I wont.
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[01 Apr 2006|12:51am] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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music |
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T(I)NC- capitalism stole my virginity |
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( shit's been hard lately )
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[17 Mar 2006|04:32am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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gooo to sleeep.
goooo tooo sleeep!
GO TO SLEEP!
do it.
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| hootie tootie |
[06 Mar 2006|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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*poot* |
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music |
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modest mouse |
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howdy howdy howdy (In the shark from Toy Story voice)
ummm what's up? me? nuttin much, got some pictures with blurbs, takes a loookkk
( look look )
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| *hmmmmm* |
[21 Feb 2006|11:31am] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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maybe i'm a girl, maybe i'm a lonely girl who's in the middle of something - that she really doesn't understand.
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| grrrrrr |
[16 Feb 2006|09:20am] |
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mood |
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bitchy |
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music |
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dream theater- take the time |
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*Sigh* fucking boys....
honestly, sometimes i feel like i'm talking to a fucking brick wall-Just a fucking blank stare and no feedback. I don't LIKE to talk to myself, so wtf? and he tries to make it out as he's all innocent. he KNOWS the shit he does is annoying, yet he STILL DOES IT. fucking, this is where you can tell the experience of someone in relationships. not like that matters to me, but for god sakes, TALK TO ME. i have NO IDEA what's going on in his head besides what he shows me, and what he shows me is NOTHING. so NOTHING is going on in his head and he's just a fucking sasquach going duuurrrr....durrr....duurrrr. He's a GREAT fucking guy, don't get me wrong, but there's honestly a problem going on, and he doesn't know how to make it better, and it's not like imma tell him everything he needs to do to make it better, because honestly, i don't know - it's just gotta be one of those things where he reaches in the back of his mind and pulls somthing outta his ass. Do i feel bad? YES! I feel really bad. but what am i supposed to do?- neglect my needs just because baby's feeling bad? I need a friend who confides everything in me, but he ovbiously doesn't do that. He never tells me the whole thing, leaving me there feeling stupid. FUCK THAT SHIT. i never know what he's feeling - i'm left there to guess. i try talking to him sometimes and i feel like it just doesn't register, so i repeat myself, and he's like "I HERD YOU" - FUCKING SHOW ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND! god!! i almost feel like it's just not worth it anymore. there are SO many other people here besides Bethal Hall, and PLENTY of other guys around here. Not like i want to get to that point yet, but it has crossed my mind a few times. All we do is sleep, eat, smoke, and argue. Fuck anything sexual. yeah, he's good at what he does, but initiating it...*shakes head* just no...putting yer hand on somone's crotch isn't going to make them horney - end of story.
honestly folks, he just acts like a big dumb animal. If he wants to convince me of anthing else, he's gotta act like it. not talking to me isn't gonna do ANYTHING. communication is the fucking key, and he deffinatly LACKS it. not to mention he mumbles WAY TOO MUCH. ARTICULATE FUCKERRRRpeoj ijgag as'df!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i mean no one's perfect, and i can deal with some shit like that...but I don't deal with not communicating.
jesus, i'm just so fucking sick of this shit. ( I wish i was a dyke - i'd date one of my best friends. )
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[18 Jan 2006|12:01am] |
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people are just dumb sometimes. I mean really...you can just tell when someone doesn't think about what they say.
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[16 Jan 2006|08:03pm] |
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mood |
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morose |
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RIP
you were the sweetest thing
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