everybody's got something to hide..

frustrationnn

2006-05-28T02:43:58Z

SO, i'm repainting my room and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. Jue isn't home - she went to Vermont to chill out with college friends....Jess, well she's doing her thing.
so i'm like doing this all by myself, and i'm IMing my BF being all crazy and there's no one to vent to, and then i remembereeddd "hey you got a livejournal".
fuckin, first of all, i would have moved shit into the guest room to make it easier to paint, but we have company for a couple days, and honestly, i can't stand clouds and rainbows anymore, so i went ahead and started off with the primer. fuckinnn....UGHGHGHUGHGUHGUHG! GUH! plus i want to get rid of so much shit, but i don't want to go through it, because i'll keep whatever's there - it's just shit, crap, stuff that takes up space, i don't NEED it.
second of all, my mother wont let me have the colors i want because they're "too dark"
ummm it's fushia, lime green and yellow....?dark?? i don't get it.
third, my room is my haven...but not right now, and i really don't like being in here cuz it's such a mess, but i have no one to chill wif and i just want to get this over with. i feel like making people help me to get this done, but who? lol no one's around and whoever is around "can't come out". :-/
fuckin... i havn't smoked in god knows how long, and right now i really want to chill out, but i'mnot about to go out driving so imma just have to deal.
FUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKSHIT FFUCKINSHIT ASSHOLE FUCKIN ROOM FUCKIN FUCK YOU!

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-04-26T21:18:00

2006-04-27T01:19:09Z

wow, you really don't understand.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-04-13T22:25:00

2006-04-14T02:49:55Z

i honestly respect the little things that never mattered now that i'm home. instead of hearing inner-city sounds 24/7 at school...i hear peepers(those noisey frogs) and trees blowing in the wind. The air feels so fresh compared to school. I fuckin saw a moth in my room and got excited lol! I figured since kids are so messy at school that there would be tons of ants, surprisingly there are no bugs whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, lol, i HATE living with bugs, i just havn't seen them in such a long while, it's nice to stop and look at the little critters. my yard in the spring is so fucking beautiful. when i returned home earlier today, i steped out my backdoor and just breathed. the air was slightly kissed with flowers and grass. fuckin...i miss nature while i'm at school. ok ok, there are trees and some grass at school.....but it's not the same- i have fucking WOODS in my backyard.. there's a stonewall and a "mountain". theres a barn and a patio and shitloads of flowers....you get my point. itg's really starting to hit me that i gotta do as well as i can while i'm at school, so that i can afford a home like the one i currently live in. i DO NOT want to be suck in a small room on the 8th floor having my one window next to roads that carry commercial trucks(fucking FUMES). i'm honestly NOT exadgerating when i say that i hear sirens from fire trucks/police cars going off about 20 times a day. It's gotten so mundane that i dismiss the roaring as background noise. lol, when a siren goes off at home, everyone kinda turns their head to see what's going on. OMG!!!! i saw a turtle today!!! it was a HUGE snapping turtle, hehehe such a cute ~~little~~BIG thing just plopin along. hehe. it tried to climb over a huge hill with rocks, but my brother picked it up and carried it to a nearby pond. ahh- it's little things like that that i miss when i'm away at school.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-04-11T23:01:00

2006-04-12T03:02:27Z

I just don't understand what makes him turn into such a douche bag.
He makes me never want to speak to him again.
maybe I wont.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-04-01T00:51:00

2006-04-01T06:50:11Z

there has been a combination of struggles in my life right now that i really just need to get off my chest.

#1- take your fuciking meds you crazy mother fucker

Now that I'm kinda on my own, I don't have my mother setting out my meds for me in the morning everyday. It's not like I hate taking my meds - i know i need them - there's no other solution to a chemical imbalance than adding the proper amount of chemicals. I've accpted that i need to do that the rest of my life, but that's not the problem. Honestly, when that alarm clock goes off in the morning, the last thing i'm thinking about is taking pills; i'm thinking about class i'm thinking about shit that i need to get done that day, i'm trying to wake up, yano? and I take my meds every time i do remember, but i'll go 3 days without it, and then a couple days with it, and then like 2 days without it again. If the medication isn't continuous, the treatment wont work. and really that's my problem, i'm feeling the effects of not taking it. I've put up a sign on my mirror at school saying "did you take your pills today?" but i think i'm also going to put one on my computer, because i'm always looking at my computer. OH - and then, sometimes i forget if i have taken it or not. fucking shit yano?
i should get one of those pill boxes sohuldn't I? *sigh* i'll try it out...UGH! i also eat when i get upset. omfg do i eat. lol. >.< i don't wannt get fat >.<

#2 - I want to quit smoking weed

I never thought it'd be possible to get addicted to something so bad that isn't even physical. I mean, i know i'm the dumb one in the first place for smoking it anyway, i realize it, but you must realize that i do understand what it does to me and i believe that smoking weed is better than drinking, snorting cocaine, dropping acid, etc.. those things, i have and neverr will do, for if i should ever, I will end up more mentally fucked up than i already am. Why i smoke it then? because i enjoy it and it doesn't eat apart your brain. you get high then get hungry that's it. BUT.......*drum roll*...i am feeling tired, bored all the time, ect. etc. I'm honestly not smoking as much weed as i did in highschool, so i'm not trying to make it seem like i'm smoking enery minute of my life. i have actually felt guilt and paranoid latly(which of corse is another affect of the drug itself), but when my depression DOES start to kick in, i feel like i HAVE to smoke in order to subside feelings for self mutilation(which again is why i need to take my fucking meds).

#3 - i want to quit smoking weed(part 2)

Ok, ummmmm....I want to work in law enforcement, LOL, and honestly - you can't do drugs and be an effective, coherent officer of any stature. annnnnnnndddd what i want more than anything in the world is to be working on criminal cases for my future career. so i kinda feel really guilt, like BEYOND guilty when i smoke, but fucking, everyone does shit they know they're not supposed to do, but do it anyway because you gotta. it's just something i have to deal with at this point in my life, and it's going to take time for me. I've been working harder this year than i've ever had to in my life. I'm literally trying to control my own brain ok? lol. try controling the thing that controls you. I almost feel, that because i'm so messed up in the head, i'd be able to get inside, or even understand psycho offenders. In order for me to enter law enforcemnt, i have to take care of my own problems and get a hold on taking my meds everyday so that i can be mentally fit.

#4 - fucking... uh..get friends?

i know i know, i have friends. but they're not with me at college and at college...hehe i don't go to parties and i'm not in any clubs-so i don't know anyone. i have to stop being so worried about disapproval from people...although i've been called strange and weird many more times than i can count within this schoolyear. I duno if it is even soley disaproval that's makeing me always walk away up to my room, but fucking... i duno. i haven't really met anyone yet, that's all. i stayed to myself and havn't found a set group of gal friends. I will though - next year.

all this shit is entwined like a YARN ball!

*sigh*
it's like..i'm laying down my mental conquest and i'm gettin a little lost. :-/

other than all that shit. lol i've been fine. I try not to let all that shit get to me. I try to use my anger and frustration to get my work done and stuff. if i'm bored, i'll do some homework and get angry at thoughts of smoking yano? i'm just kinda tryin to figure out how to work things. It's just part of my life that i need to leave behind now. I need to establish control over my life.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-03-17T04:32:00

2006-03-17T09:33:40Z

gooo to sleeep.
goooo tooo sleeep!
GO TO SLEEP!
do it.

hootie tootie

2006-03-07T00:48:44Z

howdy howdy howdy (In the shark from Toy Story voice)

ummm what's up? me? nuttin much, got some pictures with blurbs, takes a loookkk

i saw this regurgetator guy that came to campus....he drank liquid soap and coughed up bubbles...

then he inhaled butane..

coughed it up and lit it on fire :) haha!

this past weekend i spent it with Nick at his house...this is his door..

..hahah not really, but he owns that door.

HE HAS TWO ADORABLE PHOTOGENIC KITTIES!

^^^look at her! isn't she sweet?, her name is Hendrix

le kittyy el photogenica..or something

me & baby

woahh

guess which one's me

HAHA..look at that face...hahaha, it makes me crack up

this is smokey. smokey is hungry.

mmmm...delicious

time for a nap.

OK now, here are random pictures from around camPUS...hehe. um look.

a ying-yang between brick and grass

i like trees. hahahah...

I really like these two^^^....i think it's cause 'o that plant

on the inside looking out

CHAO MOTHERFUKKERSSS!!!!! MUAHAHA

hmmmmm

2006-02-21T16:33:23Z

maybe i'm a girl, maybe i'm a lonely girl who's in the middle of something - that she really doesn't understand.

grrrrrr

2006-02-16T14:38:22Z

*Sigh* fucking boys....

honestly, sometimes i feel like i'm talking to a fucking brick wall-Just a fucking blank stare and no feedback. I don't LIKE to talk to myself, so wtf? and he tries to make it out as he's all innocent. he KNOWS the shit he does is annoying, yet he STILL DOES IT. fucking, this is where you can tell the experience of someone in relationships. not like that matters to me, but for god sakes, TALK TO ME. i have NO IDEA what's going on in his head besides what he shows me, and what he shows me is NOTHING. so NOTHING is going on in his head and he's just a fucking sasquach going duuurrrr....durrr....duurrrr. He's a GREAT fucking guy, don't get me wrong, but there's honestly a problem going on, and he doesn't know how to make it better, and it's not like imma tell him everything he needs to do to make it better, because honestly, i don't know - it's just gotta be one of those things where he reaches in the back of his mind and pulls somthing outta his ass. Do i feel bad? YES! I feel really bad. but what am i supposed to do?- neglect my needs just because baby's feeling bad? I need a friend who confides everything in me, but he ovbiously doesn't do that. He never tells me the whole thing, leaving me there feeling stupid. FUCK THAT SHIT. i never know what he's feeling - i'm left there to guess. i try talking to him sometimes and i feel like it just doesn't register, so i repeat myself, and he's like "I HERD YOU" - FUCKING SHOW ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND! god!! i almost feel like it's just not worth it anymore. there are SO many other people here besides Bethal Hall, and PLENTY of other guys around here. Not like i want to get to that point yet, but it has crossed my mind a few times. All we do is sleep, eat, smoke, and argue. Fuck anything sexual. yeah, he's good at what he does, but initiating it...*shakes head* just no...putting yer hand on somone's crotch isn't going to make them horney - end of story.
honestly folks, he just acts like a big dumb animal. If he wants to convince me of anthing else, he's gotta act like it. not talking to me isn't gonna do ANYTHING. communication is the fucking key, and he deffinatly LACKS it. not to mention he mumbles WAY TOO MUCH. ARTICULATE FUCKERRRRpeoj ijgag as'df!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i mean no one's perfect, and i can deal with some shit like that...but I don't deal with not communicating.

jesus, i'm just so fucking sick of this shit.
I need to get out. I need to get away. It's not like there's Cassi and then there's Nick. it's always cassi and nick. I feel like i have no friends of my own. what would happen if anything were to happen between us? Would John and Adam be awkward? i honestly feel like an ass in front of them when i get mad at Nick, but honestly, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK AND FUCKING TALK TO ME. i always feel left out. then i'm supposed to turn around and be a little nice girl? fuck no! Nick doesn't treat me special, why am i supposed to treat him special? the most special thing he's ever done was on valentines day - flowers. And yes, that was sweet, but it was valentines day, yer supposed to do that shit. Since we started going out, which was back in september/october - WE'VE NEVER GONE OUT! ever!! no dates - no movies- no nothing. that's not dating! i keep asking and asking, and he's like - well what do ya wanna do? i'm like - ANYTHING. I know he doesn't have a lot of money, that doesn't bother me, i've been asking to go ghost hunting since forever, we have yet to do it. Am i supposed to drag him out to do shit? no! that's not what it's about. no going out for coffee - nope. 5 FUCKING MONTHS AND WE HAVN'T GONE ANYWHWERE!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I'm not a material person, but i DO get bored after a while, and well, i'm PRETTY close, and SOMEHOW..yes, SOMEHOW - I'M the bitch. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! ohhh boy.....
he doesn't realilze, that day by day I'm getting more and more upset with our situation, and he think's everything's PERFECTLY fine, even though i tell him time and time again - "babe i'm bored, what do ya wanna do?" he looks at me expecting me to do a fucking song and dance. FUCK YOU. "i duno baby, what do you wanna do?" i'm like naming all these things, and he doesn't move. doesn't flinch. i mean, what do i say to that?
i KNOW i'm not the bad person here. not like he's some Devil child either, he just doesn't know how to date me, and if he doesn't figure it out soon, i'll find someone else who knows how to date me.
fuckin - even if it's going to a park! I DON'T CARE! i want to be able to say - me and nick have done this and this and this, so far in these 5 months, it's been, me and nick smoke and sleep and fight. wow. fun. I know he doesn't have a car, i don't have one either, but you could sike someone up to going for a walk somewhere, it's possible. But he doesn't talk or express feelings, so that's a no go. I can't count the times, i was feeling lazy, but Julianna was like ' No I swear omg, it'll be SOOO much fun, c'mon c'mon' and like eventually i went and we had a fucking blast. I should just date Julianna, lol, but she's got a BF, kekekekek^-^..

I really need to be around my own kind right now. I'm loosing patients, and i feel like ripping my hair out sometimes. the only thing i can do to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs is to retreat to my dorm room, put on music, and stick my head under my covers till i fall asleep and forget everything till i wake up.
I don't wanna live like this. So i guess after writing all this, i figured out that it's all or nothing. I hope he thought about some shit after our argument this morning, because my patients is wearing thin.

just when it felt like spring..

2006-02-14T23:22:15Z

and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

ahh sunrise's

2006-01-21T22:46:40Z

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-18T00:01:00

2006-01-18T05:03:45Z

people are just dumb sometimes. I mean really...you can just tell when someone doesn't think about what they say.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-16T20:03:00

2006-01-17T01:04:10Z

RIP

you were the sweetest thing

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-14T16:47:00

2006-01-14T21:52:04Z

PRAY FOR MY BABY!

my baby girl's really sick. She had fluid in her lungs which was drained, but it'll probably fill back up again. I'm just hoping that she doesn't have a tumor. i'm just askin for every one to pray for her to get better. thank you.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-08T17:47:00

2006-01-08T22:48:09Z

one of the coolest people in the world! haha

we play like animals

it's GOING to fade. it ALWAYS does...lol so hopefully it'll be strawberry blonde? either way i don't care;-D <--that's a smiley face for some people who need to state the ovbious

hellaaa grood!

"i bet you've never seen a white boy dance this good" - matt

that's alex:)

the next time matt followed somone up to bowl, they hit matt in the lower torso area hahaha

i tried to take a picture of a picture on julianna's camera, lol...you can sorta make it out.

peace& < 3

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-07T01:54:00

2006-01-07T06:56:23Z

:x

a situation is stupid when you want to say things but you hold yourself back.

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-04T18:40:00

2006-01-04T23:44:48Z

I'm looking through you
where did you go?
i thought i knew you
what did i know?
you don't look different but you have changed
i'm looking through you
you're not the same

that's a song ;)

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-04T05:56:00

2006-01-04T10:57:31Z

it's worse than the beatles and yoko ono.
fuck you yoko.

When I call you up
Your line's engaged
I have had enough
So act your age
We have lost the time
That was so hard to find
And I will lose my mind
If you won't see me
You won't see me.
I don't know why
You should want to hide
But I can't get through
My hands are tied
I won't want to stay
I don't have much to say
But I can't turn away
And you won't see me
You won't see me.
Time after time
You refuse to even listen
I wouldn't mind
If I knew what I was missing
Though the days are few
They're filled with tears
And since I lost you
It feels like years
Yes, it seems so long
Girl, since you've been gone
And I just can't go on
If you won't see me
You won't see me.
Time after time
You refuse to even listen
I wouldn't mind
If I knew what I was missing
Though the days are few
They're filled with tears
And since I lost you
It feels like years
Yes, it seems so long
Girl, since you've been gone
And I just can't go on
If you won't see me
You won't see me

-JL&PM

bisou_x_doll @ 2006-01-02T20:57:00

2006-01-03T03:00:16Z

I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURNAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURNAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURNAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURAL POSTI AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURNAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURAL POSTI AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURNAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURAL POSTI AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURNAL POST I AM BETTER THAN AN ANGRY LIVEJOURAL POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrrrrrr
LOOK AT MY ANGERRR!!!!
RARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

look at me i'm SO IMMATURE!!! I'M MAKING A SCENE!!!
SCENE MAKING GOING ON RIGHT NOW! WAIT NO!!! A PLAY! I'M MAKING A PLAY!
LOOK AT MEEEE LOOK AT MEEEEEE LOOOOK!!!!!!!!
OK OK OK, but the names have been changed to protect those who were involved

ACT1
barbra: hey roberta, daisy has been spen ding too much time with marty! what should we do?!?
roberta: i don't know barbra, maybe we should post something online so she'll see it!
barbra: OK!
*barbra writes a livejournal entry that says "chicks before dicks"*

ACT2
daisy: hey roberta, i think that livejournal entry has something to do with me...does it?
roberta: yes, it does. me and barbra think you're spending too much time with marty
daisy: is that true barbra?
barbra: yes. it's true.
daisy:OHHH BLASSSSFAMMYYY!!!!! i'm sorry i wont forget about you!!
barbra & roberta: it'sok we love you!!!
daisy: YAY!

ACT3
daisy: damn barbra, i don't want to go to college and leave you here, i promise i'll write!
barbra: yea i'll miss you guys
roberta: yea it wont be the same
daisy: yea i just have a feeling shit's gonna change, but i'll keep in touch ok?
barbra & roberta: OK!

ACT4
daisy: damn college just isn't the same as home i miss my friends
*daisy writes barbra and roberta a letter*

*days pass and no letters*

*daisy calls roberta*

daisy: HEY ROBERTA!!!
roberta: HEY DAISY!
daisy: how's college going for ya?
roberta: alright, how college going for you?
daisy: it's ok i sure do miss barbra, i wonder if Ashole is treating her any better
roberta: yea, me too, well we'll get to see her soon, this weekend is a BREAK!!!
daisy: YEAH!!!

ACT5
*everyone's at home now*
*daisy calls barbra*
daisy: hel-hello?
voice: yes?
daisy: is barbra there?
voice: oh no i'm sorry, she's out.
daisy: oh ok, i'll call back later!

*daisy calls roberta*
daisy: hey roberta, how's it feel to be home?
roberta: hey, damn i missed my bed!
daisy: haha me too! and the food, omg i hate cafeteria food 24/7
roberta: yea me too, hey, have you herd from barbra?
daisy: no i havn't, i called though and she wasn't home
roberta: oh really? yeah i called her cell phone, but she hasn't answered or called me back
daisy: hmmm *shrug* oh well i'm sure she'll call
roberta: yea, well in the time being, you want to hang out?
daisy: OK!

*days later*

*roberta calles daisy*
roberta: hey hey hey
daisy: hey! i just called barbra! she said she'll be free later
roberta: oh cool! i havn't seen her in months
daisy: yeah me either, i have so much to tell her
roberta: me too

*hours later*
*daisy calls barbra.......voice mail*
*half hour later*
*roberta calls barbra.....no answer*

daisy: hey roberta...lets just go to barbra's house!
roberta: lol ok! i hope she's home

::barbra's house::
~DING-DONG~

daisy: i don't think anyone's home
roberta: yes, but i hear Louis her dog
daisy: aww yes Louis! i miss louis! remember when we'd all hang out on the screen porch and he'd walk in all goofy?
roberta: haha yea, he's a hyper little dog...but i think we should get going, the car's still on and no one's answering the door
daisy:...yea...ok

ACT6
::back at college::
*barbra calls daisy*
daisy: omg!! hey!!! how's it going? i havn't herd from you in a while!
barbra: omg i know!!! things are alright, omg Ashole and i are so i love
daisy: omg really? what's been going on?
barbra: omg daisy, just like everything
daisy: uh-huh...omg i wish you could come here, there was this.....

*20 minutes later*
barbra: hahaha!! omg i miss you!!!
daisy: i miss you too!!
barbra: oh, i gotta go Ashole's picking me up, he made his own car! isn't that so attractive?
daisy: yeah, i'll catch you later!! BYE!
barbra: bye!

*daisy calls roberta*
daisy: OMG ROBERTA!!!! barbra just called me!
roberta: Yea?!? whast'd she say
daisy: things are going well, Ashole's apparently treating her with actual respect now
roberta: wow that's a first, well i'm glad.
daisy: me too
roberta: i can't wait to go home for the holidays to see her
daisy: me too!!!!

ACT7
::home for the holidays::

*daisy see's that barbra is online*
daisy: hey barbra!!! i'm home!!!
barbra: i have to write a term paper

*days later*

daisy: do you think barbra is finished with school?
roberta: i duno lets call her

*roberta calls barbra......voice mail*

roberta: huh..*shrug* oh well, she'll see that i called and she'll call back
daisy: yea!!

*days later*
daisy: omg!! tomarrow is christmas!!! i wanna give people their presents!! let me call barbra and see what she's doing~!!

*daisy calls barbra*
daisy: HEY CHICKA!!! how's my senorita?
barbra: howdy howdy howdy, i'm doing fine, i'm making shirts!! one's for my mom and the other is for Ashole, i put lyrics on them
daisy: cool! what are you writing?
barbra: well for my mom i'm putting the lyrics to pretty woman
daisy: hahahaha that's awesome! i want to give you your gifts!!
barbra: omg really?!?! i want to give you YOUR gifts!!
daisy: hahaha!! ok i'll call roberta and i'll be right over!
barbra: ok

::Barbra's house::
~DING-DONG~
*the faint sound of barking emits from the house*
barbra: omg hey you guys!! haha sorry i took so long, i thought you were Ashole, so i had to hide his shirt
daisy: haha
roberta: hahahaha that's ok. DUDE! i missed you!!!!
daisy: yah me too yo, college is so different, it almost blows...that is if it didn't rock!
roberta: haha yeah

*daisy and roberta give tips*

~the trio settle in, exchange gifts, and clean the house, lol, oh yes, and they cleaned Louis~

saddly enough...that was the last time roberta and daisy had ever herd of dear Barbra.....:( it's a sad story. Ashole was actually an evil wizard who put a dark enchanting spell over Barbra and she has lived in Ashole's hole ever since.

update

after watching one of our shows of UNsolved Mysteries,Barbra emerged from somplace and called roberta!

things need to be setteled she said, because daisy is acting like a fucking idiot with her online websites!

and so the rest of the story is unwritten...because it has yet to be wrote!

boy oh boy

2006-01-02T18:42:30Z

SO! i got a new bowl:

Jess got lost somewhere between forgetting who I was, a broken vacume, and a boy who disproves.
needless to say what she chose.

seeing as she wouldn't call, other fun was made :-D

we play soccer at night<3

stacking people's boxes they left out for the garbage <3 hahaha

New years was fun

^^string is silly

oi i'm just so aggravagted, no i'm pissed. yes jess, i'm pissed at you. i never thought this would happen.
but fuckin you don't call.
fuck you then. just fuck you.
but thank you for leaving your bong- not like you'll ever use it, at least with us.
and if you ever do decide to call, you should call julianna because i'll flip out on you....but hey that's ususally what you do right?
call other people and tell them how I destroyed your vacume on purpose! and LAUGHED! oh yes, i wanted to kill that machine ever since i laied eyes on it. fuck you. i helped you clean your house so you could go out and watch a gay cowboy movie. and you think I'VE changed?
you're the littly lady who yerns to please.

time still moves

2005-12-23T20:19:45Z

It's hard when you go away for so long...and all you want to do is get back to the things you know....but when you get back, time has changed the way things were.

it's almost as if i've been in a coma and now i've awaken and ...well you get the idea.

on the plus side, my Nicko is coming to visit the 29th through 2nd = 4 fun-fill-fantastic days

"and if you ever think of me, kneel down and kiss the Earth and show me what this thought is worth"

bisou_x_doll @ 2005-12-17T20:27:00

2005-12-18T01:30:41Z

i can't even express my change of mood.

being at college for so long away from everything comfortable.....just fucks with someone, yano? Now after being all uptight, i come home chase my cats around, decorate a christmas tree and bake christmas cookies with my mom! lol! i feel 4 again. it feels good.

bisou_x_doll @ 2005-12-11T13:19:00

2005-12-11T18:26:21Z

OK, so school's been a little blah lately. i have finals this whole upcoming week, which sucks "elephantitus balls". i should be studying, but i'm sick, so i don't feel like it. every night has been a daze, so i think imma not smoke for a few n chill out.
i can't fuckin wait to go home. i want to be home now in my bed sleeping, but unfortunatly this period of my life wants to rip me out of my home and throw me into a hell hole with other hormonal organisms for an "experience". oh yea, it's an experience. it deffinatly is. but i'm done now thank you. i'd like real food, and i'd at least like to cook it myself. i want to eat something that doesn't come in a box or a can. something like....fruit! it's the fragrant juicyness of happiness. that is what i miss.

i miss people who think right.

i don't miss highschool :-D hahahahahahahaha but i do miss the people.

school in general, no matter where you are or who you're with, sucks.

bisou_x_doll @ 2005-12-06T23:15:00

2005-12-07T04:15:36Z

sooooooo
i went christmas shopping tonightttt.
annndnndddd
i really want to keep the gifts i got....but i'm not :-)

reason why my friends rule

2005-11-27T07:14:35Z